Its International Women’s Day coming up in March. And as part of the IndusLadies.com celebration of this day, I wanted to write about being a woman in the 21st century. More specifically, about the relationships that make us who we are. The relationships in my life, that make me who I am.

Enough has been said about abusive husbands, in-laws from hell and demons of all descriptions that make women’s lives hell. I dont want to add to that. It is often easy to draw attention to the negatives in life, especially when it comes to women’s equality.
However, what I do want to talk about is all the people who stand behind a woman and encourage her, who often dont get mentioned. Why is it, that when a woman has a miserable life, blame is very quickly, and perhaps justly, assigned to her husband, or her parents, but when a woman succeeds in life, she did it all on her own, and despite all the odds. No one thinks about the people who helped this woman succeed.

I consider myself a modern woman. In my late 20s, married, with a wonderful husband, working full time as a doctor, and doing my specialist training at the same time. Things are going well. Touchwood. But things could so easily have not gone well. And I attribute this to a lot of people helping me along the way. Going out of their way to support me. When I was young, it was my parents, who encouraged me to pursue my dreams. My father used to come pick me up at 11 PM from the library at med school, where I had been studying all day. And the whole family would be waiting for me to come home before they would have dinner.

But hey, lots of women become doctors. But continuing to work as a doctor, and do my specialisation post-marriage, is a big deal in my mind. The one person who has helped me through this, and who continues to be my rock, is my husband. It takes a real man to say “your career will always come first”. He moved countries for my career. He cooks the dinner when I cant get home from work at a decent hour. He massages my back and feet when I am exhausted after a 15 hour work day. He feeds the cat (read surrogate child), and takes it to the vet. He drives me to my study group meetings, when I can just as easily drive myself. On the other hand, I am the one who manages the finances in our household. I make sure all the bills are paid on time. And he was happy to hand over the reins of the joint finances right from day one!

Then there is my mother-in-law. She lives in a different country, and so is not involved in our day-to-day lives. But even across the distance, she has played such an important part in my decision to undertake specialist studies. Every sunday afternoon, when we ring her, she always wants to know how my studies are going. Initially after the marriage, I postponed my specialization for a while. And during that whole time, she always said, ‘take your time, but make sure you do your specialisation”. Being the eldest daughter in her family, she had responsibilites to fulfill, and studying, sadly, wasnt considered high priority. But that never stopped her. If anything, it only whetted her appetite for knowledge. And today, nothing pleases her more than the fact that her daughter in law is educated. I cant cook very well. I am not very good with household chores. But that doesnt matter to her. Like all other mothers-in-law, she too wants grand-children. And she too drops not-so-subtle hints from time to time. But her hints take the form of offers to babysit while I am at work, or studying.

I realise that I am extremely lucky to be blessed with such wonderful people in my life. The course of my life could have been very different if it wasnt for them. But the point I want to make is that people like this do exist. All over the world. People talk about a modern woman being an independent woman, being self-sufficient and self-reliant. But I say that being a woman in the 21st century is about more than just that. It would not be possible for any one person to define what exactly defines a woman. But this Internations Women’s Day, I want to take a minute to recognise the people who have made me who I am. I encourage you all to do the same.

I tag the following people: Amrita, Megha and MadMomma

A member of my immediate family sits in a hospital bed tonight. They have just had emergency surgery, and I am thankful to say that they have come out the other end without too many problems (touch wood). I think. But the last 24 hours have been stressful, to say the least. Frustrating. I am a doctor. This was a speciality I am more familiar with than lots of others. Yet, I was hundreds of miles away at the end of the phone. Being given bits and pieces of information over international phone lines. Couldn’t move…… CT scan……. 2.5 cm…….

I dont do well in situations where I am not in control. And this was one of those situations. I wanted to be there. I NEEDED to be there. To look at the CT scan myself. And draw my own conclusions from facts I know. Come up with my own plan of action. Yet, I couldnt do any of that. All I could do was sit by the phone, and keep my fingers crossed. Do what family members of patients all over the world do. Hope and pray.

Being a doctor, and treating a patient with a particular disease is so different from being a family member of that same patient with the same disease. And I am just learning how much more difficult it is to be the latter. I just cant imagine how difficult and how scary it must be right now, for those that are actually there at the bedside. I am really hoping and praying that this whole ordeal gets over soon, and they can come back home safely.

So this is a very funny incident. And at the same time, its quite ironical, as anyone who knows me well will tell. But to properly understand the irony, one has to start at the beginning. So bear with me, but it will be well worth it, most of you will think this is absolutely hilarious!

It all started with me going to help Altrusa (a women’s service club) in their fundraising efforts. They were doing a sausage sizzle, and I offered to help. The MOTH came to drop me there, and Trish, one of the ladies there, mentioned how Altrusa was having a Cook Of The Year competition in a few weeks time. And I jokingly referred to the fact that at our place, the MOTH is the cook of the year, coz he is the one who cooks all year around! So Trish encouraged the MOTH to participate in it, Its all in good fun, she said. The MOTH hmmed and haaed, and went on his merry way.

Now this part is pure conjecture on my part, but I am fairly certain it happened. At some stage, somewhere along the line when my back was turned, the MOTH and his mother-in-law (i.e. my mother) held whispered conversations behind closed doors, and came up with a plan of attack. And what a plan it was! I didnt know what hit me, and didnt even realise it was hitting me at that time. But one fine day, they launched a carefully rehearsed attack, and before I knew it, I was agreeing to take part in the cook of the year competition!!!??!?

What the hell??? How did that happen? No clue. And the moment I fell into the trap and agreed to do it, my mum had a recipe all ready, and the MOTH was all completely in agreement with the plan for me to cook it, and my mum just conveniently happened to have free time to show me how to make the recipe, and the MOTH lovingly offered to be the quality control branch of the whole enterprise. I was beginning to smell a rat by this stage, but it was too late now.

So D-Day rolls around. I am in vampire mode, doing night shifts at the hospital, and sleeping during the day. So I sleepily drag myself to mum’s house, and half-heartedly make the suji halwa (semolina pudding) that I had been talked into. My plan was to make it so that it was palatable, and nothing more. So I made it, with mum providing helpful hints every so often. And then picked up the MOTH and went to the competition that was being held at the house of an Altrusa member. Once we got there, I handed the bowl of halwa to the judges, and then promptly forgot all about it, and proceeded to enjoy the evening socialising with the other people there, some of whom I hadnt seen in a while.

Fast forward to the end of the evening. They are getting ready to announce the winners. The chief judge (yes, there was more than one!) was not some senior Altrusan as I had imagined. No. Out trotted this fancy chef from Germany, of all places. Announces the minor prizes. Gives me a certificate for the best garnishing. Fair enough, I thought. I had taken a lot of trouble to color-coordinate the garnishing. But I nearly fainted when he announced that the cook of the year was….you guessed it….yours truly!!!

What the hell!! I dont cook. I hate it. I was sure they made a mistake. But much to my dismay, they hadnt. And then I turn around to look at the MOTH, and there he was, smiling, looking like the cat who got the cream. His plan had paid off! And now I am going to pay for this for the rest of my life. For no way is the MOTH going to give up an opportunity to have dinner cooked by the cook of the year. Every damn day of the year. And he even has the bloody trophy to remind me of it, in case I should ever have a memory lapse! Goddammnit!!