Being a woman in the 21st century
Its International Women’s Day coming up in March. And as part of the IndusLadies.com celebration of this day, I wanted to write about being a woman in the 21st century. More specifically, about the relationships that make us who we are. The relationships in my life, that make me who I am.
Enough has been said about abusive husbands, in-laws from hell and demons of all descriptions that make women’s lives hell. I dont want to add to that. It is often easy to draw attention to the negatives in life, especially when it comes to women’s equality.
However, what I do want to talk about is all the people who stand behind a woman and encourage her, who often dont get mentioned. Why is it, that when a woman has a miserable life, blame is very quickly, and perhaps justly, assigned to her husband, or her parents, but when a woman succeeds in life, she did it all on her own, and despite all the odds. No one thinks about the people who helped this woman succeed.
I consider myself a modern woman. In my late 20s, married, with a wonderful husband, working full time as a doctor, and doing my specialist training at the same time. Things are going well. Touchwood. But things could so easily have not gone well. And I attribute this to a lot of people helping me along the way. Going out of their way to support me. When I was young, it was my parents, who encouraged me to pursue my dreams. My father used to come pick me up at 11 PM from the library at med school, where I had been studying all day. And the whole family would be waiting for me to come home before they would have dinner.
But hey, lots of women become doctors. But continuing to work as a doctor, and do my specialisation post-marriage, is a big deal in my mind. The one person who has helped me through this, and who continues to be my rock, is my husband. It takes a real man to say “your career will always come first”. He moved countries for my career. He cooks the dinner when I cant get home from work at a decent hour. He massages my back and feet when I am exhausted after a 15 hour work day. He feeds the cat (read surrogate child), and takes it to the vet. He drives me to my study group meetings, when I can just as easily drive myself. On the other hand, I am the one who manages the finances in our household. I make sure all the bills are paid on time. And he was happy to hand over the reins of the joint finances right from day one!
Then there is my mother-in-law. She lives in a different country, and so is not involved in our day-to-day lives. But even across the distance, she has played such an important part in my decision to undertake specialist studies. Every sunday afternoon, when we ring her, she always wants to know how my studies are going. Initially after the marriage, I postponed my specialization for a while. And during that whole time, she always said, ‘take your time, but make sure you do your specialisation”. Being the eldest daughter in her family, she had responsibilites to fulfill, and studying, sadly, wasnt considered high priority. But that never stopped her. If anything, it only whetted her appetite for knowledge. And today, nothing pleases her more than the fact that her daughter in law is educated. I cant cook very well. I am not very good with household chores. But that doesnt matter to her. Like all other mothers-in-law, she too wants grand-children. And she too drops not-so-subtle hints from time to time. But her hints take the form of offers to babysit while I am at work, or studying.
I realise that I am extremely lucky to be blessed with such wonderful people in my life. The course of my life could have been very different if it wasnt for them. But the point I want to make is that people like this do exist. All over the world. People talk about a modern woman being an independent woman, being self-sufficient and self-reliant. But I say that being a woman in the 21st century is about more than just that. It would not be possible for any one person to define what exactly defines a woman. But this Internations Women’s Day, I want to take a minute to recognise the people who have made me who I am. I encourage you all to do the same.