…….vacuuming!

Tomorrow, the property manager comes by to inspect the property. I have a grudge to bear with whoever came up with the concept of regular property inspections!

However, in preparation for the inspection tomorrow, today has been dedicated to sprucing up the place. Now, those of you who know me well know that I am not the most meticulate person. Consequently, “sprucing up” is actually more like a Herculean effort. Everything else, I can cope with, however, the vacuuming is absolutely horrendous, and back-breaking. Hate it!

Cant wait to get my own place. It will have hardwood floors, I have decided. No need for a bloody vacuum at all. And no bloody property managers coming by to inspect!!

Its International Women’s Day coming up in March. And as part of the IndusLadies.com celebration of this day, I wanted to write about being a woman in the 21st century. More specifically, about the relationships that make us who we are. The relationships in my life, that make me who I am.

Enough has been said about abusive husbands, in-laws from hell and demons of all descriptions that make women’s lives hell. I dont want to add to that. It is often easy to draw attention to the negatives in life, especially when it comes to women’s equality.
However, what I do want to talk about is all the people who stand behind a woman and encourage her, who often dont get mentioned. Why is it, that when a woman has a miserable life, blame is very quickly, and perhaps justly, assigned to her husband, or her parents, but when a woman succeeds in life, she did it all on her own, and despite all the odds. No one thinks about the people who helped this woman succeed.

I consider myself a modern woman. In my late 20s, married, with a wonderful husband, working full time as a doctor, and doing my specialist training at the same time. Things are going well. Touchwood. But things could so easily have not gone well. And I attribute this to a lot of people helping me along the way. Going out of their way to support me. When I was young, it was my parents, who encouraged me to pursue my dreams. My father used to come pick me up at 11 PM from the library at med school, where I had been studying all day. And the whole family would be waiting for me to come home before they would have dinner.

But hey, lots of women become doctors. But continuing to work as a doctor, and do my specialisation post-marriage, is a big deal in my mind. The one person who has helped me through this, and who continues to be my rock, is my husband. It takes a real man to say “your career will always come first”. He moved countries for my career. He cooks the dinner when I cant get home from work at a decent hour. He massages my back and feet when I am exhausted after a 15 hour work day. He feeds the cat (read surrogate child), and takes it to the vet. He drives me to my study group meetings, when I can just as easily drive myself. On the other hand, I am the one who manages the finances in our household. I make sure all the bills are paid on time. And he was happy to hand over the reins of the joint finances right from day one!

Then there is my mother-in-law. She lives in a different country, and so is not involved in our day-to-day lives. But even across the distance, she has played such an important part in my decision to undertake specialist studies. Every sunday afternoon, when we ring her, she always wants to know how my studies are going. Initially after the marriage, I postponed my specialization for a while. And during that whole time, she always said, ‘take your time, but make sure you do your specialisation”. Being the eldest daughter in her family, she had responsibilites to fulfill, and studying, sadly, wasnt considered high priority. But that never stopped her. If anything, it only whetted her appetite for knowledge. And today, nothing pleases her more than the fact that her daughter in law is educated. I cant cook very well. I am not very good with household chores. But that doesnt matter to her. Like all other mothers-in-law, she too wants grand-children. And she too drops not-so-subtle hints from time to time. But her hints take the form of offers to babysit while I am at work, or studying.

I realise that I am extremely lucky to be blessed with such wonderful people in my life. The course of my life could have been very different if it wasnt for them. But the point I want to make is that people like this do exist. All over the world. People talk about a modern woman being an independent woman, being self-sufficient and self-reliant. But I say that being a woman in the 21st century is about more than just that. It would not be possible for any one person to define what exactly defines a woman. But this Internations Women’s Day, I want to take a minute to recognise the people who have made me who I am. I encourage you all to do the same.

I tag the following people: Amrita, Megha and MadMomma

…. you meet a truly remarkable human being. Who impresses you from the word go. And whose memory will stay with you long after they are gone. Who has style. Panache. Strength of character. Just an all-around great guy.

I met one such person last week. And ever since I met him, I cant help but admire him. I really like him. Its hard not to. Here he is, a man in his 70s. More than 6 years down the line after being diagnosed with a lethal form of cancer. That in itself is a miracle. But thats only the beginning. In his fight with cancer, he has won some, and lost some. He has won six years. Along the way, he has lost his voice box, and now communicates through text messages, emails and writing. He has a hole in his neck to breathe through. He has another hole in his abdomen to feed through. He has cancer all over his body.

Now the cancer is slowly getting bigger. He can see it swelling under his skin everyday. Sometimes it bleeds out through the skin. Occasionally, the bleeding doesnt stop. He knows the cancer is now starting to win.

But the thing about him that really amazes me is how accepting he is of that fact, without necessarily giving up. He still lives on his own. He doesnt have a car. He cycles everywhere. Cycles to go see his grandchildren. Cycles down to the pub to go see his mates. He does his own vacuuming, and mows his front lawn every few weeks. Orders all his medications by email. If the tumour starts bleeding with no sign of stopping, he sends an urgent text message to one of the nurses here at the hospital, who goes to see him urgently to make it stop bleeding.

It amazes me how well he manages. Every morning, I go to see him. I talk, he writes. When he laughs, the air gushes out the hole in his neck with a soft ’swoosh’. He always greets me with a smile and a wave. By the time I get to see him on my round, he has already finished the cryptic crossword in the morning paper. He doesnt even bother doing the classic crossword, its too easy for him.

Him and I both know he is dying. But the grace, the absolute style with which he is doing it, I can only look on with admiration. Its almost as if, he is an expert about it. I guess that is not so surprising, after all, he has been practising for six years.

The following is a real conversation between a doctor (Dr A) and a patient (Mr X). The lines in italics are thought bubbles above Dr A’s head

Dr A: Hello Mr X, I hear you are having nose bleeds again. Its almost certainly due to the leukaemia, preventing your body from making any platelets

Mr X: Yes doctor, you are right. It always happens when I have no platelets and then I blow my nose.

Dr A: Do you have a cold? Why are you blowing your nose?

Mr X: No, I dont have a cold. I blow my nose so I get rid of the bacteria, so I dont get a cold.

Dr A: What the hell??!! Ummm….Mr X, please dont blow your nose. Because you cant get rid of bacteria like that, and all you are doing is giving yourself nose-bleeds! You almost died with your last bleed, as it wouldn’t stop bleeding!

Mr X: But you always fix my nose bleeds. So, no problems!

Dr A: Walk away, because I am not going to win this argument!

Dr A returns half an hour later to see if the nose bleeds have settled down.

Mr X: Yes, they have settled doctor, but the bleeding starts if I get up and walk around. Here, I show you…

(Mr X proceeds to get out of bed and walk around before Dr A can tell him not to. The nose starts to spurt again.)

Dr A: Great!

Dr A spends the next hour trying to stop his bleeding

Moral of the story: some people are hell-bent on proving Darwin right. You can only stop them from doing it so many times

Kyle and Jackie O. ‘Nuff said! All of Australia knows about this. For those of you who dont, the story is that these two run a radio show in Sydney. They have a regular segment on their show where some poor soul gets strapped to a lie detector and gets asked all sorts of uncomfortable questions. Good entertainment. Usually. Except when it blew up in their faces, resulting in their show being pulled off air, and Kyle being sacked as a judge on Australian Idol. Because the person strapped to the lie detector was a 14 year old girl. And the person quizzing her was her mother. About the kid’s sexual experiences. And the kid admits she was raped as a 12-year old. Below is the transcript of this whole sordid saga, courtesy of blogotariat

Transcript

[outro music]

Now comes the part where I add my two cents worth. I think the radio jocks got completely what they deserved. Somewhere along the quest for better ratings, and more listeners, these people forgot that there is something called boundaries. And so, they totally got what they deserved. I wont go on anymore about it. But amidst all this, one thing really bothers me. Kyle Sandilands’ actions have caused a huge media uproar, and all the attention has been focussed on what he did and what he said. But that has somehow taken the focus away from what the mother did and what the mother said. How do you take your daughter on national radio, and ask her about her sex life? Is it just me, or does someone else think it is completely nuts??? Does this woman not need her head examined? To make matters worse, if you read through the transcript, the mother already knew that she had been raped! How on earth do you take your own daughter, who is a victim of rape, on to national radio, and then ask her if she has ever had sex??? Isnt that just traumatising this poor girl even more? Thats the last time she will ever trust her mother, thats for sure!

And what is even more bewildering is that not a single journalist, not a single person has pointed the finger at the mother and said, lady, you are wrong. You shouldn’t have done this. You are not fit to be a parent to a teenager. She needed sympathy, and understanding, not lie detectors and public humiliation. I am just completely shocked by the mother more than anyone else